What Reviewers and People Working in Recovery are Saying About Tina Tessina, PhD's The Real 13th Step

"This is the paddle you don’t want to be up the creek without”- Don Fultz, recovery expert

“The premise of this intelligently written title is bound to cause some controversy. Recommended for popular psychology, self-help and recovery collections” – The Library Journal

“Offers strategies that can help people struggling with addictions develop the skills and abilities they need to make clear, effective choices about their own lives – with or without the continuing support of a formal recovery group.” – Yoga Journal

“A therapist’s prescription for avoiding addiction to a recovery group.” – New Age Journal

“Hope of freedom, self-confidence and completion to people in self-help or 12-step recovery programs who have been told they will never be fully recovered.” – American Bookseller

“A manual for those in self-help programs” – Publisher’s Weekly

“The Real Thirteenth Step contains a wealth of astonishingly practical information. Very few therapists can provide better tools for personal growth” –San Francisco Bay Guardian

“A well written, important book that provides an invaluable corrective to the dependency orientation of the recovery movement. It lucidly points the way to the next step: the cultivation of independence and personal autonomy. Imperative reading for every graduate of the twelve-steps.” -Nathaniel Brandon, PhD, Psychologist, author of Honoring the Self 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. , is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in southern

California since 1978, and the author of 13 books in 17 languages. In her private practice, she counsels both individuals and couples. She earned both her BA and MA at The Lindenwood Colleges, St. Charles, MO, (1977) and her PhD at Pacific Western University, Los Angeles (1987). She is a Diplomate of the American Psychotherapy Association, a Certified Domestic Violence Counselor, and a Certified MFT Training Therapist. She has written for and been quoted by Glamour, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, WebMD.com, TimeOnline.com and many other national publications. 

Click here to own in Kindle at Amazon for only $6.99 or borrow free for KindleUnlimited members.

 

Self-Evalutation Test: How to Tell if You Are Ready to Take the 13th Step Out of 12-Step Groups to Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence

How do you know if you are ready to take the Real Thirteenth Step?

1. Have you identified and admitted your obsessive, compulsive or addictive behavior and maintained abstinence or sobriety for six months to one year without relapse?

2. Have you completed each of the 12-Steps at least once in a 12-Step Recovery Program?

3. Have you been following your program faithfully for at least this time period?

4. Do you have a sponsor, buddy, therapist, or other knowledgeable person with whom you can discuss your recovery?

5. Do you spend some time each day to meditation, prayer, or solitary contemplation?

6. Are you aware of the difference between your conscious personality and the Higher Power within?

7. Have you learned to recognize and handle successfully the triggers and mechanisms that set off your compulsive/addictive behavior?

8. Have you shared your story repeatedly with others and listened to theirs?

9. Are you able to rely on others for support and ask for help when you need it?

10. Have you had a successful relationship with a sponsor, buddy, or other support person for a

significant length of time?

11. Have you had sufficient therapy, individually, and/ or in group, to heal the damaging legacy of your addiction?

12. Have you severed or limited all relationships with people who supported your addictions and compulsions, unless they are also fully in recovery?

13. Can you say "no" when tempted or pressured?

14. Do you know the difference between instant and deferred gratification, and can you choose intelligently between them?

15. Can you act on thoughtful decision s instead of impulsively reaction to events and circumstances?

16. Do you have a clear sense of who you are and what your goals are?

If you answered "yes' to most of these questions, you are probably ready to take the 13th Step. If most of your answers were "no," you need to do further work within a recovery and learn additional skills you need to complete recovery.

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Why do you hate AA/ Why are you trying to talk people into leaving their 12Step groups/Are you an addict, too? Tina Tessina answers the tough questions about The Real 13th Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance, and Independence Beyond the Twelve-Step Programs

 Why do you hate AA? Why are you trying to talk people into leaving their 12Step groups? Are you an addict, too? Tina Tessina, Ph.D. answers the tough questions about her book The Real 13th Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance, and Independence Beyond the Twelve-Step Programs

Why do you hate AA?

I don't. I think the twelve-steps are a brilliant path to recovery. They are psychologically sound. I frequently recommend that my clients attend twelve-step programs.

Why are you telling people leave their 12-step group?

I'm not. Moving beyond the 12-Steps is a gradual process which does not mean leaving one's group prematurely and does not mean abandoning one's own personal program of recovery, and does not mean abandoning the support of friends in recovery. What it does mean is developing the ability to stand up as a fully recovered human being.


Why do you talk people out of going to AA?

I never say people shouldn’t go to meetings, or go to twelve-step programs to get into recovery.  I know the twelve-step program works to get many people into recovery.  What the book does is show readers how to build on the 12-step program foundation of long-term recovery. My clients followed the program and felt it made them strong in recovery and were grateful.  But they desired more. Twelve Step recovery programs offer many benefits including a proven plan for overcoming old thinking and destructive behaviors but, for some people the program becomes a replacement for the addiction; in essence, an addiction to recovery. What the program does not provide is a way to progress beyond the 12-Steps.

Who are you? Are you an alcoholic/addict?

I am a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 35 years’ experience in   Sponsors refer clients who need more than the program offers to me for help. 

counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages. I have worked with alcoholics and addicts and their sponsors for many years.

Have members of Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) and other 12-Step programs really  substituted going to support meetings for their previous addictions?

At first, attending meetings is a substitution, but members who work the twelve steps also learn a lot about maintaining sobriety and changing attitudes

                                   

Can 12-Step members "graduate" and leave those support groups without backsliding into their old self-destructive behaviors?

When a person with a solid foundation of long-term recovery does the necessary work to resolve the emotional issues (such as PTSD, anger, grief and anxiety) that pushed them into alcoholism or addiction in the first place, they can complete recovery and move on to a full, autonomous life free of addiction and the fear of relapse.


How do you define self-reliance?
Self-reliance is knowing and liking yourself, being committed to taking care of yourself no matter what. It is being able to enjoy your own company, make your own decisions, and carry them out. It's doing what's important and good for you even when others don't like it.
It's enjoying others, but not making them more important than yourself.
It is making thoughtful decision, thinking clearly in a crisis, and being a competent adult who can play and be childlike, but always think like a grownup.
It's loving wholeheartedly, but still thinking clearly about yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

Can I drink again?
I am frequently asked this question. If your life is working and you are successful and happy, why would you need to drink?  To take the 13th Step into Autonomy a person must be able to self-regulate and set limits. They aren't even tempted to engage in old addictive behaviors. As former AA 12-stepper Richard O says, "I don't want, desire, nor have a yen for booze." Echoing that comment is Mary L., a graduate of OA support groups.  "The food I eat right now is right for me. It's healthy, delicious, and satisfying. I don't feel deprived at all. Why would I want to mess this up?"

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ANNOUNCING PUBLICATION OF "THE REAL 13TH STEP: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance, and Independence Beyond the 12-Step Programs"

Tina Tessina Ph.D. is a psychotherapist specializing in recovery and addition. Her controversial, breakthrough book asserts that in many cases true recovery from addiction should end in graduation from addiction programs into a life of autonomy, self-reliance and independence.  

“The premise of this intelligently written title is bound to cause some controversy.  Recommended for popular psychology, self-help and recovery collections” – The Library Journal

“Offers strategies that can help people struggling with addictions develop the skills and abilities they need to make clear, effective choices about their own lives – with or without the continuing support of a formal recovery group.”   – Yoga Journal

“A therapist’s prescription for avoiding addiction to a recovery group.” – New Age Journal

“Hope of freedom, self-confidence and completion to people in self-help or 12-step recovery programs who have been told they will never be fully recovered.”  – American Bookseller

“A manual for those in self-help programs”  – Publisher’s Weekly

 


Despite the millions who've found relief from addictive and compulsive habits through 12-step programs, these same programs' insistence that members always keep coming back unwittingly fosters attitudes that can undermine the foundations of a successful, healthy life.

The Real 13th Step:  Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance, and Independence Beyond the 12-Step Programs refutes the bedrock recovery principle that some people are just born with addictive personalities. Instead, therapist Tina Tessina identifies the underlying cause of addiction as learned dependency, and teaches readers how to develop the three central skills of true independence: risk-taking, problem-solving, and coping with failure. Her book then offers practical advice about applying these principles in every aspect of life: relationships, work, decision-making, and managing the continuing temptations of addiction. Readers will learn how they can take control of their own lives and remain free of the fear of relapse or setback in their recovery.

If you are a successful member of a recovery program and feel you've benefited enormously from it, but are also beginning to sense that your progress toward functioning independently in the outside world may be hindered by the program itself, then the time has come for you to Read The Real 13th Step and graduate from your dependence on the group's help.
This is the last recovery book you will ever need.

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. , is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in southern California since 1978, and the author of 13 books in 17 languages. In her private practice, she counsels both individuals and couples. She earned both her BA and MA at The Lindenwood Colleges, St. Charles, MO, (1977) and her PhD at Pacific Western University, Los Angeles (1987). She is a Diplomate of the American Psychotherapy Association, a Certified Domestic Violence Counselor, and a Certified MFT Training Therapist. She has written for and been quoted by Glamour, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, WebMD.com, TimeOnline.com and many other national publications. She has written for and been quoted by Glamour, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, WebMD.com, TimeOnline.com and many other national publications.

Click here to own in Kindle at Amazon for only $6.99 or borrow free for KindleUnlimited members.

About Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.

                         

                                                                           

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (www.tinatessina.com), is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in southern California since 1978, and the author of 13 books in 17 languages. 

In her private practice, she counsels both individuals and couples. She earned both her BA and MA at The Lindenwood Colleges, St. Charles, MO, (1977) and her PhD at Pacific Western University, Los Angeles (1987). She is a Diplomate of the American Psychotherapy Association, a Certified Domestic Violence Counselor, and a Certified MFT Training Therapist.

She writes the syndicated “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter. Dr. Tessina is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, Online, she’s known as Dr. Romance, and TherapistTina. She is a YourTango.com expert.  She has written for and been quoted by Glamour, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, WebMD.com, TimeOnline.com and many other national publications.

Dr. Tessina has had her own radio show, “The Psyche Deli: Delectable Tidbits for the Subconscious” on WPMD.org and LeisureTalk.net. 

She also publishes the “Happiness Tips from Tina” e-newsletter; and “The Dr. Romance blog” http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog, chosen by Redbook.com as a Blog of the Month.  Redbook said: 'If anyone can call herself "Dr. Romance," it's REDBOOK Love Expert Tina Tessina. With a Ph.D., eight books and 30 years counseling experiencing under her belt, Tina has a lot to say about the everydays of life and love. Get to know the Doc.” The blog is also named one of “10 Best Love Blogs” and “11 Best Relationship Therapists of 2014” by DatingAdvice.com

Dr. Tessina is the author of a number of highly-successful books including Gay Relationships: How to Find Them, How to Improve Them, How to Make Them Last,Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After 40, The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, and Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences.

Dr. Tessina’s 35+ years of experience in helping people shows in her books, which are very practical, filled with reader-friendly exercises, suggestions, guidelines and examples.  They are simply and elegantly written and deceptively powerful.

Each of Dr. Tessina’s books draws on the knowledge she has gained in her years of clinical work with individuals and couples.  Each book was written as Dr. Tessina discovered a body of information needed by her clients. Her books are not mere speculation, but the concrete result of her experiences in helping people overcome resistance, fears and emotional wounds.  Dr. Tessina’s books reflect her conviction that everyone has unique talents and gifts.  The key to satisfaction in life, work and relationships is learning to know and appreciate who we are and to express that in the most powerful and beneficial way.  Difficulties in childhood or adult life often block, repress and distort our impression of self. When the blocks are removed, the person’s original spirit and creativity will become obvious.

Dr. Tessina’s books are about the many routes we can use to reach this clear understanding of who we are. Relationships, recovery, decision-making and dating are all motivating circumstances and desires we can use to unblock the gifts each of us inherits and develops throughout life.

Just out from Digital Parchment Press is another book that developed from her work with clients, The

Real 13th Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance, and Independence Beyond the 12-Step Programs.

Click here to own in Kindle at Amazon for only $6.99 or borrow free for KindleUnlimited members.

In addition to her professional work, Dr. Tessina is a trained lyric coloratura, and she gives a yearly vocal recital. She also writes poetry, song lyrics (her songs have been recorded by several well-known singers, including Helen Reddy), speaks Spanish and some French, and loves ballroom dancing. She lives in Long Beach with her husband of 33 years, Richard Sharrard, ballroom instructor and choreographer.  Tina and Richard went around the world in 1998 as dance instructors on the Crystal Symphony cruise ship.  They spend the little spare time they have traveling, enjoying their 1913 California Bungalow, gardening, and their pets.

Connect with Dr. Tessina online: 
http://www.tinatessina.com
Dr. Romance Blog: http://drromance.typepad.com
Twitter.com/tinatessina
 Twitter.com/LoveForever
 Facebook.com/TinaTessina
 Facebook.com/LoveForever
DrRomance@loveforever.com https://www.facebook.com/DrRomanceBlog
 http://www.LoveForever.com    
About Tina Tessina’s Books: